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TIME , FUTURE AND LIFE

Hello everybodyy...

Hohoho..

What's the time in your country now? Mine is already 1.33 a.m. But I can't sleep cause my mind is busily thinking bout the future and the consequences of my life.

That's what my mind do when I am just about to sleep. Sheepy! I hate it.

So I've been wondering what will my life be soon. I am going to get to a university, living alone , meet new people and I have to study more and more. Then I will graduate and find a job.

But somewhat I am scared of these things. I'm afraid I cant do it cause all these passive thoughts are flashing in my mind. Above all, the frequently-asked questions that keep bothering me are.....WHY?? Why do I have to do all these things? Why do I need to continue study? Why must I go to a university? Why should I have a job? This cycle of life sometimes makes me sick.

At one point, I just couldn't help but being nervous, predicting my SPM result. What if I do not get straight A's? What i'm gonna do? How could I face my friends, teachers and family? I know I am being overthinking but the thoughts could not disappear from my tangled mind. I feel like I didn't do well in my exam back then, especially in History and Economy. I hate it - this confusing thought.

.
.
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Well.. you know why I have these dark thoughts? It is because I'm afraid of hatred, humiliation, lonelines, downgrading and all their ilk. I'm afraid that if I don't reach their expectation of me getting 10 A's, I will be talked about. I will feel ashamed. Because back then I was a considerably smart student who can easily get straight A's , who can easily top all of the exams. That's it.

So so so... please... I sincerely beg you to pray for me, wishing I will get an excellent result in SPM. I desperately need that. Sorry. And thank you.

Btw, these days, I am learning English to get fluent and proficient. You know right that my English is so damn broken and low grade. Consequently, I will surely improve my English, learning it every days so I'll be well-prepared to use it later.

So... I think I want to end this post here. Haha. This is just me who is trapped in a dark hole of anxiety at midnight. Sorry to bother you. :)
After all, thanks again for visiting my blog. Hope you like it.

Bye2😙😙😙

Lethargic gal,

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