Hello everyone!!! How are you? Yeah yeah I knew it's February now and I just started to write again on this blog. Kuikuii.. but well at least I have the feel to write again. so what do I want to write here now? Hmmm
So lately I've been thinking about my life and well, I've got a crush on someone that is close to me and I've been hyping this feeling and tell it to my friends. But sometimes I thought, do I really wanna love him? It's like I'm afraid that I will fall hard and hurt again. I'm done. Be it a boyfriend or best friend, I think a creature name 'man' will just hurt me..... and I will hurt them too. But this someone is so precious, so kind that I'm afraid to lose him as a friend. And yeah like always, I feel that I'm not good enough for him coz he is so nice so I decided that I don't want to confess to him. I will just watch him from afar and wait till it's time or till my feelings for him go away.
I'm pondering back about my previous relationship, well my first ever hahaha, and I think it was not so bad. Maybe I was the one who felt so angry at that time. And I was not happy. Yess, I was unhappy with my life. Thus I depended on my ex to make me happy yet when he couldn't, I was not satisfied. When he couldn't give me his attention, I felt miserable like I was being abandoned. But actually, it was not really his responsibility to make me happy. I was the one who ought to make myself happy. So I think if I want to commit to a new relationship next time, I need to be happy with myself first. I need to be full. I need to love myself first. Then, I will be able to love others too. To my first love, thank you for loving me at that time. I know your feeling to me was real but things happened and we just need to be apart so that we could learn something. Thank you for putting up with me. You were so sweet and I hope that you'll always be happy in your life.
So yeahh.. I want to love myself. To love myself, I need to improve something somewhere in my life. I want to learn new skills. I want to be good, I want to fix my bad attitudes, I want my life to be happy even when I'm on my own. So that I will feel good enough to love someone else. I don't know what's waiting for me in the future but well, I could just hope for the best.
But now, I'm not ready yet. I lack many things and I need to find them. I want to focus on my study, get a job, buy my own things, and be extra successful. So to my future love, wait for me okay? Hehehehehh
P/s: welpp I don't know if I would feel cringe to read this post next time but yeahh I need to write my feelings down so I can feel at ease :)
Emo girl in her 20,
So lately I've been thinking about my life and well, I've got a crush on someone that is close to me and I've been hyping this feeling and tell it to my friends. But sometimes I thought, do I really wanna love him? It's like I'm afraid that I will fall hard and hurt again. I'm done. Be it a boyfriend or best friend, I think a creature name 'man' will just hurt me..... and I will hurt them too. But this someone is so precious, so kind that I'm afraid to lose him as a friend. And yeah like always, I feel that I'm not good enough for him coz he is so nice so I decided that I don't want to confess to him. I will just watch him from afar and wait till it's time or till my feelings for him go away.
I'm pondering back about my previous relationship, well my first ever hahaha, and I think it was not so bad. Maybe I was the one who felt so angry at that time. And I was not happy. Yess, I was unhappy with my life. Thus I depended on my ex to make me happy yet when he couldn't, I was not satisfied. When he couldn't give me his attention, I felt miserable like I was being abandoned. But actually, it was not really his responsibility to make me happy. I was the one who ought to make myself happy. So I think if I want to commit to a new relationship next time, I need to be happy with myself first. I need to be full. I need to love myself first. Then, I will be able to love others too. To my first love, thank you for loving me at that time. I know your feeling to me was real but things happened and we just need to be apart so that we could learn something. Thank you for putting up with me. You were so sweet and I hope that you'll always be happy in your life.
So yeahh.. I want to love myself. To love myself, I need to improve something somewhere in my life. I want to learn new skills. I want to be good, I want to fix my bad attitudes, I want my life to be happy even when I'm on my own. So that I will feel good enough to love someone else. I don't know what's waiting for me in the future but well, I could just hope for the best.
But now, I'm not ready yet. I lack many things and I need to find them. I want to focus on my study, get a job, buy my own things, and be extra successful. So to my future love, wait for me okay? Hehehehehh
P/s: welpp I don't know if I would feel cringe to read this post next time but yeahh I need to write my feelings down so I can feel at ease :)
Emo girl in her 20,
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